Dear Love Doctor,
Last modified on Sunday, 22 January 2012 10:44
I have been in Love with this guy for 11 months now but he broke up with me for his own reasons. I am so depressed and he just wants to be friends. I can't be in a friendship with someone I want to be with and i just can't get over him. I tried everything to get him back and I even told him I would change. In our relationship, we didn't argue or fight and I thought we were the perfect couple but he told me he was unhappy. He still hasn't told mw me what made him unhappy and that bothers me because I wanted to be perfect for him. Right now I just want to be able to get over him and move on. I have been on several dates but I can't stop comparing the other guys to him or bringing him up. I know it is wrong for me to do that while I am out but I just can't get him out of my head. Please help me... What should I do to get over this guy and start over fresh with someone new? My heart is broken and I just need a little boost I guess to jump start my social/dating life again. What should I do Love Doctor?
In love but totally confused
Hi totally conused. I appreciate your letter and I have a million answers for you but I am going to let a lady handle this one. Introducing Wizdom.
Hi Totally Confused. My name is Wizdom and I am going to break your situation down piece by piece. First, your story is not uncommon and you are most definitely not alone although you may feel it. Let me drop a little wisdom on you. A little something for you to grow on. The deepest wounds are soul wounds. Matters of the heart seem like something that you will never get over. No matter how much time passes. I know if your hear one more time, “ time heal things all things” you will probably gag. Time does not heal all things. Time passes and you loose. Time is the most valuable asset we have as human beings use it wisely. When you start to recognize this you will began to respect time. Here’s a little education about relationships.
According to Psychologist John Allen Lee he describes six unique types of love, I call to your attention Ludus. This secondary love type is characterized by some what superficial game-playing devoid of commitment. Someone experiencing ludus enjoys being “in love” and the pursuit associated with falling in love. Love relationships based on ludus last only as long as the game of love continues. The stuff that men are most likely to feel. Look it up in a good book on the fundamentals of human sexuality. Check out the love and relationship page at www. topchoice.com/-psyche/love/ and review the theories on love. Once you get an understanding of Love you can start working on getting healed. There are some rules you need to understand if you chose to play this game.
Rule one: Self Preservation.
Want to be perfect for you. Not for anyone else.
Change for you. Change the way you understand love.
Rule two: Love yourself.
If you can’t love your self you will never experience love until you know love.
Rule Three: Don’t ever forget it.
Loving your self is the ultimate love under God. Check out his love theory and you are one step ahead of the game.
When men realize that you do not love yourself they start to relinquish your power and absorb it unintentionally. Your presence has to woo Love. It has to command it. It’s the law of attraction working here.
tHINK OF IT LIKE THIS, what you put out there is what you get.
So, Study Love starting with you. Once you become familiar with love it will recognize you. You will be able to sniff out the s*it from "The S*it".
I recommend you take some time off from dating. It took 11 months to get here so expect some time to get out.
Go buy the prettiest journal that inspires you and write.
Write down you thoughts every word that comes to mind. Even if it sounds stupid, just write. Note that this takes discipline, time and commitment.
This allows you to begin your journey to healing and growing.
You will start to become intimate with yourself. This is the most important part of relationships and the hardest. Many are not willing to take time for with themselves because they feel it is not important and think it is a waste of time. One can never be that far from the truth.
You are your most valuable player and you have to see that. Vision is important in any thing you do. So focus on your vision of who you are. What you desire in a man and a relationship and start given it to yourself. In reality no one is responsible for your happiness but you. So take responsibility for it and start loving you, now.
Start by focusing on the right now do not look back and do not worry about tomorrow, it delays your progress. This is your opportunity of a lifetime. Just go with that, right now. Before you know it, you will emerge into a more controlled, loving and confident being. Remember, “Love makes a terrible master but a wonderful servant.”
Pass it on!