By: Susan Thomas- The Issue: *Sarah has been in a live-in relationship with her boyfriend *John for three years. Sarah works a full-time job. John is in-between jobs and has been for about a year now. While Sarah is working, John is supposed to be using her car to find a job. Sarah finds out that John is cheating on her with a woman down the block named *April and has been cheating with April for six months. Every day, John drops Sarah off at work and then he goes to see April. Recently, he has been late several times picking Sarah up from work, and now he is not coming home at night.
When Sarah finds out about John’s other relationship, she confronts April and they have a physical altercation. Sarah tells April to stay away from her man and April tells Sarah that if John were really her man, he would not be with April. The battle continues with cars getting keyed and nasty notes on MySpace and Facebook . Meanwhile, John is still living responsibility-free with Sarah, basking in the joy of having two women fighting over him and still enjoying the competitive pleasures from both, each woman trying to out-please the other.
The SOULution: In this case, Sarah and April need to take responsibility for their own actions and realize they are both worth more that what John is giving them. If either one of these women chose not to accept John’s behavior, he would have no choice but to change his cheatin’ ways or go elsewhere. John needs to be honest with these women and not claim he’s faithful and monogamous when clearly he is not. It’s easy to not accept responsiblilty and be a cheater, but it takes courage and integrity to be honest and step-up. He needs to treat these women the way he would want his Mother, Sister or Daughter to be treated.
If someone cheats on you, please confront the person you are in the relationship with! When you confront the other woman or the other man, and make excuses for your mate’s behavior, you continue to give your cheating mate the fuel to treat you any way they want because you are choosing not to hold your mate accountable for their actions. Plus, what does that say about you when you are fighing over someone that treats you like crap?
We teach people how to treat us by what we are or are not willing to put up with. A warm body in your home, no matter how cute they are, laying up with you at night does not automatically equal a good relationship, especially if they are telling you one thing and doing another. A person’s behavior, not their words, show you who they really are. If your mate is not treating you the way you know you should be treated, let them go.
Many people, especially women, say all the time that they stay in bad relationships because they are afraid they will not find any one else and a piece of a relationship is better that none at all. Trust me, there are plenty of men and women out there that want to treat you well and want to be faithful, loving, and committed to you. But YOU have to decide that you will accept nothing less than that from your mate. Just remember, when you choose to stay in a disrespectful relationship, you are choosing to disrespect yourself. You can’t blame anyone else and you have no room to complain because you made the decision to be treated that way. You have to change how you see yourself and your value before someone else can see it.
Take a look at your relationship today. Are you being treated with respect, love and value or are you settling for less than what you are worth? If you are settling, begin 2012 by making a commitment to treat yourself better. Show yourself the love, respect and honor you deserve.
*Names have been changed.
Susan Thomas, Master Certified Coach thesoulutioncoach.com
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