I am diggin’ this girl but I am not sure how to tell her. It is easy for me to tell most girls my feelings but it is difficult to express myself to her. We are good friends but, now, I’ve grown to like her a lot. I would like to ask her if she is interested in taking things to the next level but I am not sure how to go about it. The main reason why I don’t know how to ask her is because we’ve become so close that I don’t want to jeopardize what we have. What would you do? Much love, Bely, thanks girl!!!
San Diego, Ca
Opening up to someone can be a very scary thing. You are revealing your most vulnerable side. But I would ask myself what the true reason behind the stalling is. Is it because you are not sure if she feels the same or is it because you are truly afraid of altering the friendship? You could be holding back from letting her know because you might feel she does not feel the same. If this is true, the only way to find out is by telling her how you feel. And in the case that you are certain she is into you just as much as you are, then feel confident enough to express yourself to her. Should she happen to reject the idea of taking things to the next level don’t close yourself and through it all away, remember you have a friendship. She might pull away and create a space distancing the two of you slightly but this is only until she wraps her mind around the idea that beneath the friendship underlies deeper feelings. However, space is not always bad. It is a form of consideration on her behalf. This way she can figure out a way to still be your friend and not mislead you by hanging out too much and being a constant reminder of your feelings for her. In order to find out, you are going to have to risk a little.
I’ve been talking to a guy for 3 months and I want a relationship with him. I have known him since Junior High and we just recently reconnected after so many years. How do you let the person know you are ready for something else without scaring him off?
Here’s the deal. Truth is you can’t be scared to scare him off. If you tell him and he runs off, then you’ll know he really wasn’t interested in anything to begin with, aside from the benefits. The up side of this is that you’ll be doing yourself a favor by cutting down the b.s. time-frame and saving the time and energy that you were in-putting into building a relationship that he wasn’t trying to form. If he runs, it will be clear that his plans for you ultimately did not include you in his long-term. So you see it is not all that bad. Just be brave and brace yourself. Plus, if he runs, then you can run to the next one-hey! A lot of people rather live in doubt or let fear hold them back from discovering the truth-be bold. Unfortunately, when you stand by and wait for things to happen you’re missing out on what could already be happening. Your situation is simple. Ask yourself if he is into you? Do you think he feels the same about you? If you are assured enough that both are you on the same page, then don’t be afraid to ask him if he is interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Start by talking to him but don’t say “We have to talk.” That rattles guys for some reason and even though it isn’t anything bad you want to talk to him about, he will already have walls up and set a tense mood. Try asking him to accompany you for a walk on the beach or at the park; some where calm and quiet enough. Then ease into the question. Feel confident and remember rejection is not a bad thing. If he can’t recognize a good thing, then do you want a man that intelligent by your side? No. Sometimes the pattern goes like this: Interest. Exclusivity. Relationship. So if he tries to pump the brakes a little bit don’t go running to your nearest pillow, it doesn’t mean he has shut off the engine and closed the door. It just means your moving to a level he doesn’t feel comfortable moving up to yet. Let him set the pace. Send me an update and let me know what he says. Good luck, chica!
There is this guy that has been obsessed with me. He calls and texts every day. I’ve told him to stop calling and even lied and told him that I have a boyfriend. I don’t know what else to do. He just won’t stop.
-somewhere in the world
What did you do to him mama? Damn! I thought Obsessed was a Mariah Carey song-guess not. Obviously this guy is irritating you and annoying you all at once, so ask him one more time to stop calling and texting you but be very firm. Tell him that if he doesn’t stop you will be forced to take things to the next level and go downtown to file a restraining order against him. This way he won’t bother you and if he does the law will have to be enforced and there will be repercussions. If you don’t wish to take things that far, then simply change your number. And if you really don’t feel like going that far, then this is where your cousins and brothers come in to place for a little man to man talk-just kidding! However, there are effective avenues you can take. If all else fails, call his mother and tell her what he is doing to you. I promise you he’ll never bother you again