Thursday, 26 November 2009 10:47

Ask Bely H. December 2009

Written by  Bely H.
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Nine5Four The Magazine December 2009 Ask Bely H.

I’m 31 years old and have a female friend that is 18 years old. She is cute and available and so am I. We’ve been hanging out here and there for a month with only 1 date under our belt. But here is the predicament, I saw her a few days ago and noticed a fading hickey on her neck. This threw me off but I wasn’t crushed by it. If anything, I was annoyed that somebody else was getting at it and not me. Since, then I’ve been a bit distant and have been ignoring her. She noticed the change in my behavior and received a text from her asking what was wrong and why had I been giving her the cold shoulder. I told her I just had stuff going on such as my cat dying, which is true. Ultimately, I don’t want anything serious as I got out of a 5 year relationship last year. My last relationship broke my heart and right now I just want to chill. In the month I’ve known her she has never mentioned a boyfriend but obviously she’s getting some sort of action as her hickey proves that I am not the only one. I guess what I’m asking is what do I do next? These mind games can only go so far. The last text I sent her said I had something to show her the next time we hang out. She said she didn’t know when that would be. I told her that it was up to her to figure out when I would see her and to take care of herself. I used the passive-aggressive approach as that is how I am.

Los Angeles, CA

Amigo, just because she is legal and considered an adult doesn’t necessarily mean she is at an adult state of mind. Step out of the box and go back to when you were 18; what was your frame of mind? Here are some words that might help you figure out what goes through her mind: single, fun, parties, boys, pimpin’, me, me, me, boys, good times…etc. You understand where I am going? Based on the hickey, she is still very selfish, self-centered and only looking to have fun which is where you fall under. You should not feel upset by this by any means. In most cases, you need a woman to be compatible with a man, such as yourself, and not a girl. Hickeys are classless-they are so Jr. High and reason being they are so Jr. High is because kids at that age are immature to realize how disgusting they are, thus, making her ways immature. She could have had the decency to cover-up the hickey, especially when she is in a work environment, and the fact that she didn’t do so only comes to show she has no consideration for your feelings and does not take you seriously. Also, don’t put yourself in the situation where you have to ignore her for her to pay you some attention or for you try to get her to see you by telling her you have something to show her. I have a feeling you had nothing worth really showing her and the classic girl response she gave you is our way of saying I don’t want to see you in a nice way. It buys us time in-between you wanting to see us and gives us hope you’ll get the hint. Take things for what they are and don’t hold your breath waiting for her to come around. It’s not her time yet, she is still very young.

What is the number one sign that your girlfriend is cheating on you?

Palmdale, CA

I would say the number one sign that your girlfriend is cheating on you is seeing it yourself. However, that usually never happens. One is more probable to hear it through the grapevine before actually witnessing your other half’s infidelity first hand. One thing you can always count-on with certainty is on your gut feeling. When you get a feeling something is not right, most of the time it isn’t. And most of the time, it is not long after you suspect your partner is cheating that the truth surfaces and things begin to unravel.

Bely, I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years. It was cool for the first year. Now we’re constantly arguing over every little thing. She gets jealous when I go to my friends house to watch sports and enjoy a BBQ. She always calls me and says, “Oh, so is there a lot of girls over there?” or “Tell your little girlfriends I said Hi.” At first it didn’t bother me, but now she does this continuously. She thinks I’m cheating on her with someone else at all times. She accuses me of cheating on her on the internet, with every girl on MySpace and on Twitter. Is there any chance you think she’s having guilty conscience? Or do you think she’s cheating on me? Well Thanks for your time Bely!

Las Vegas, NV

There’s a saying in Spanish that translates into: A lion judges by its own condition, meaning that she is probably calling you out on all the things she does behind your back. For example, if she accuses you of cheating every time you go over to your friend’s house, it is probably because she is conducting herself as a single woman when she goes over to her friend’s homes. You should pay attention to her closely. She might be the one up to no good. Usually when one attacks the other about infidelity, it’s the other way around. They become paranoid of the things they are doing and begin questioning their partner so that they keep “control” over what their partner is doing so that they do not become a victim of the game they, themselves, are playing. Unless you have failed her in the past by being unfaithful, then she should have no reason to check-up on you every few hours. If she has an issuer trusting you, then its time you cross exam her.

Last modified on Wednesday, 01 February 2012 12:23

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