Thursday, 30 September 2010 19:27

Ask Bely H.

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October2010 ASK BELY H. My father works for the city, he does city maintenance. He was recently fired from his job three weeks ago because he has two D.U.I’s on his driving record and does not want to attend his A.A. classes. My father is a handyman and skilled in general construction. He can build you anything. But drinking has affected his focus especially at home. My mom tells him to stop drinking but he admits he is simply addicted to alcohol. He bought a 2008 Silverado when it first came out and the car hasn’t even reached 30,000 miles but the truck is damaged all around from him hitting things when he drives home drunk. What can I do to make him stop drinking?

Aldair Maldonado

-Whittier, Ca

Its disappointing when a loved one begins to harm oneself and those around him. His addiction is definitely something that has become a burden upon your mother and yourself. An intervention is definitely needed. He has already taken the first step in admitting he has an addiction. He has acknowledged the problem which is difficult to do. Next, would be to ask him if he wants help for his problem. Addictions of any sort are a sickness that must be cured. However, if he does not want help, then you can’t push it on them. The want for help must come from him. If he doesn’t ask and denies help, then it could possibly mean he isn’t ready to give up his drinking. Until he sees the meaning and well being that healing himself will do, he wont have a reason to motivate him to move forward to better himself. If he actually decides to get help, then seeking for a place that could help him would be the next step. Be prepared to pull together as a family and support him because it wont be an easy thing. Such classes as Alcholics Anonymous offer support for family members as well. If all else fails, have a heart to heart with your father. Tell him how you feel. Make him see the importance of quitting his habit. Bottom line is that you cant make him stop drinking. He is the only one who can make that decision. You can find further information or assistance on this site: www.aa.org

Ok, I need advice, Bely. There is this guy I like but he’s the real macho type. He plays hard to get just like me and being how I am, I won’t be the one to tell him how I feel-he will have to open up to me first. He’ll text me here and there but I get the feeling he likes someone who will pursue him-I am not that type. I’m getting mixed signals and I’m starting to think maybe he doesn’t like me? But then again, he will flirt with me so I’m like wtf? I barely talk to him but I really like him. I doubt he is confused like I am. He should be able to tell whether I am interested or not, right? What should I do, Bely!!

Medina

-L.A.

It ain’t easy, girls, it ain’t easy. So this is what is going to have to happen: one of you must budge. Texts are far less impersonal than an on-the-phone or even face-to-face conversation. If you don’t have enough courage to clarify what is the deal between both of you, then text him and ask him. Or for crying out loud, just ask him upfront. The worst that can happen is that he says he’s not into you. The thing with these types of guys is that 1. they want to have their cake and eat it too, meaning they don’t want to be committed to one girl. And 2. having a girl pursue him is only an ego booster to him. What he doesn’t know is that you wont tolerate mind games. It also sounds like you are a very firm individual, aka you are stubborn. If you wont be the bigger person to solve this love mystery, then you’re not in the right to complain. Yes, we as women like to be chased, but once in a while the tables get turned. If you really like him, then go get your man, girl. Cut to the chase and find out where you stand. The sooner you figure it out, the less time you will be wasting your time, if you are wasting it at all. He might just be shy. Any how, tell him like Fergie: “meet me half way.”

All right, my ex boyfriend and I broke up in January. Initially we broke up because of the distance; I go to school on the west coast and he was leaving for college for the east coast. We ended on pretty good terms and we would still talk to each other almost every 2 weeks. Most of the time he would text me first, telling me that he missed me etc.. Well we continued to talk until we got back here for summer. Everything was normal once again, he was so loving towards me. All of a sudden, he started acting strange. For example, he would never ask me to hang out with him anymore; pretty much trying to avoid me. To make a long story short, we met up for our last time before we went back to our universities. Again, he was so caring and loving towards me, either way we ended on GOOD terms. A few weeks ago i found out he de-friended me on Facebook and my Twitter. I don’t understand why, if we ended on good terms and since he was the one to be the first to call an end to our relationship. Bely, maybe you can help me understand why he would want to de-friend me? Doesn’t he still want to be my friend? Help me out please!

Melinda

-Tampa, FL

If he has removed you from his social networking sites, it is because he doesn’t want you to know about what he is up to. He is probably trying to avoid the “drama” which consists of opening the door to your questions. Questions about what he writes or pictures you see. Asking about “who is she?” Or “what did you mean by that?” Lets keep it real, we all get nosey like that when it comes to our ex’s. It is possible that he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by being himself as he moves on with his life without you. If you ended on good terms, then I doubt he doesn’t want to be your friend. I think he may feel its better for him to keep you a distance and out of his business so he doesn’t hurt your feelings by being the new him: the single him. Don’t take it so personal, chica, Im sure you are a great girl and I’m not saying he isn’t a great guy, all I’m saying is that someone’s loss is another’s treasure. On the contrary, maybe he “de-friended” you because seeing you or hearing about you would hurt him. Maybe it was hard enough to break-up with you and didn’t want to be reminded of you aside from letting you go. Give things time to settle, to close open wounds. Whether you ended on good terms or not, both of you need closure.

Last modified on Wednesday, 01 February 2012 10:23

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